标题: I Forgive You（我原谅你） [打印本页] 作者: Bella 时间: 2012-4-12 17:09 标题: I Forgive You（我原谅你） Let go of bitterness. Marriage isn't the only relationship that needs forgiveness. It's required with our children,friends,workmates,neighbours and even strangers.In fact,no human relationship can survive without the oxygen of forgiveness.It's not an optional nicety for people who are into that kind of thing, it's a universal necessity for relationships and for your own health and sanity.
I once met a couple whose daughter, Sarah, had been hit and killed by a drunk driver when she'd been out on her bike. She died instantly. The driver's guilt was never in doubt he didn't even have a valid licence, having lost it after a previous conviciton for drunk driving. He was jailed for manslaughter. But for Roger and Cathy, Sarah's parents, this wasn't enough. All they could think about was getting revenge on her killer. Sitting with them in their home years later, I was overwhelmed by their heartbreak. I can't even begin to imagine the horror of their ordeal. There's little doubt in my mind that justice wasn't served in the lightness of the sentence given to Sarah's killer, whose cold self?centredness and lack of remorse shocked me to the core.But at the same time, I couldn't help feeling greater sorrow at the way Roger and Cathy's continued reaction to her death was compounding their misery. Every day they were being consumed by a hatred and bitterness that made no impact whatsoever on Sarah's killer. Was this what she'd have wanted for her parents, this living hell that was destroying their lives? I couldn't help thinking that if Sarah could speak to them she would beg them to let go of their bitterness and begin to live again.
Some of us may think that we've been hurt too deeply,or too often, to forgive.But ironically,it's those of us who've been most hurt who really need to forgive,for one simple reason:like cancer,bitterness can destroy its host. Unless it's swiftly rooted out,it takes hold and grows,crippling and eventually even killing those who insist on clinging determinedly to it.
For the truth is that unless we can forgive, we can never recover. Our wounds will continue to fester and never heal. As the ancient Chinese proverb puts it:" whoever seeks revenge should dig two graves."
Taking the first step For some people forgiveness feels impossible because they have no idea how to go about it. The first and most important thing you need to accept is that the act of forgiveness is not going to be easy. In fact, it will probably be the hardest thing most of us ever have to do.
It seems totally unfair that we should have to forgive when we're the ones who have been hurt. And that's the crux of forgiveness. It seems unfair because it is unfair. Otherwise what would there be to forgive? Forgiveness is about pardoning things that are essentially inexcusable. After all, if something can be excused, it doesn't need forgiving, does it?
The saying “ Forgive and forget” may roll off the tongue, but it's as shallow as it is short. For one thing, it's downright impossible. For another, it misses the whole point of forgiveness. The things we most need to forgive in life are the things we can't forget. Rather than sweeping them under the carpet, we need to draw a line under them, deliberately choosing not to count them against the person who did them, and moving on.
That's why, sometimes, the initial act of forgiveness may seem relatively easy, but dealing with the emotions that follow every time you see that person, or speak to them or just think about them, can be harder to deal with. True forgiveness is not a one off act, it's a constant emotional confrontation.
And the longer you wait to forgive someone, the harder it becomes. Time really doesn't heal, it just gives the bitterness and resentment longer to eat away at you from inside. If you wait for the " right time" you may never do it.
It's never too late If you have let a grudge fester for decades, remember it's never too late to heal wounds. So even if it's been years and you're forgotten how the bitterness started,you can still do something about it.
A question you should ask yourself before you begin to tackle the art of forgiveness is this: How many of us are ever completely innocent in any given situation?
Some years ago, my wife,Cornelia,and I bought a piece of cheap,flat packed,pine veneered furniture.For the first few months, it fooled everyone it was smart, functional and impressive, and we felt it fitted our home perfectly. But as time rolled by, the veneer slowly began to peel at the edges. It didn't create the same impression any more, but at least it was being honest! The fact is that,like it or not,behind our smart veneer, we're all just chipboard.So before we become other people's judge and jury,we'd be wise to take a long,hard look at ourselves in the mirror.And the more we see ourselves,warts and all,the more we'll want to and be able to forgive others for their flaws,and the more we forgive,the more we'll know true contentment.
Would you rather be right or happy? Forgiving others can get a satisfying reaction. I've found that saying sorry to my kids has not only healed broken relationships but has helped defuse the situation, making it easier for my kids to ask for forgiveness themselves. So if you think you're right and can't find it in yourself to forgive, ask youself this question: would you rather be right or happy?
One of the hardest things about forgiveness is making that first move especially when you haven't spoken to the person who hurt you for a while. But remember they'll probably be happy to hear from you. They might even be impressed that you've done what they've wanted to do for years. But keep in mind you're doing this for you just as much as them, so don't be upset if they don't react as you hoped.
Of course, some people don't believe they've done anything wrong, or don't care, so telling them you forgive them would only frustrate them and you. But that doesn't mean you can't find forgiveness in your heart. In fact, that's what true forgiveness is letting go of your anger and hurt, becoming at peace with what happened and moving on.
The more you nurture your resentment, the more unhappy you'll become. Unless you learn to develop the " lost art" of forgiving, you'll always remain a victim, not just of people who've done you worng, but also of your own emotions.
Forgiving puts you in control. However tough it is, the alternative is far worse. The phrase "Forgive us our sins, though we refuse to forgive those who sin against us" doesn't exist in the Bible. And there's a reason for that.
[参考译文]莫怀憎恨并非只有婚烟关系需要谅解。我们与子女、朋友、同事、邻居，甚至陌生人相处同样需要谅解。事实上，没有谅解这种氧气，任何人类关系都不可能存活。谅解他人不是当事人可做可不做的好事，而是一种维持良好关系、保持身心健康的普遍需要。