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第二篇:My First Time at Dinosaur Land

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发表于 2013-8-4 00:54:41 | 只看该作者 回帖奖励 |倒序浏览 |阅读模式
完成了外教网课的第一个theme,John老师要求小朋友们写一篇 first time ……的作文。 上上周去了趟长屿洞天,极其迷恋恐龙的骆小当回来念叨了好几次,作文自然也是选择了与恐龙有关的。照例的当口述,当爹记录。只是这次记录的很惨,很多单词不会写啊,速度也跟不上。骆小当唧唧呱呱的一句接一句,不停的听到当爹说慢点慢点。当小妞口头作文完,溜去折纸了,当爹边查有道遍辛苦的码字,半途跑来诉苦:我跟的好辛苦啊,你来跟吧。免谈!俺英语可是全家垫底的。嘿嘿,好好当书童到当当自己会写吧。

My First Time to go to the dinosaur land
by Alice
Today was the first time to go to the dinosaur land. I was delighted.
There were more dinosaurs than I thought in the dinosaur land. T.Rexes,Pteranodons,Triceratopses and Anatosauruses,then I found myself inside the dinosaur world. When I saw the moving T.Rex’s huge body I felt a little scared.
Around the dinosaur world’s dinosaurs had a little trail. On the
trail, there was a little cart pushed by a huge fake Triceratops. The Triceratops
didn't move. But when the little cart started moving around the dinosaurs I got a little dizzy.
I had a secret last for ever:when I grown up,I wanted to be a paleontologist.


John老师的点评和修改:
My First Time at Dinosaur Land
by Alice
Today was my first time at Dinosaur Land. I was delighted.
There were more dinosaurs than I thought there would be at Dinosaur Land, such as T.Rexes,Pteranodons,Triceratopses and Anatosaurus. While in Dinosaur World, I saw the T.Rex’s huge body moving that made me a little scared.
Around Dinosaur World, there was a little trail. There was a little cart pushed by a huge fake Triceratops on the trail. The Triceratops didn’t move but when the little cart started moving around the dinosaurs I got a little dizzy.
I have a secret that when I grow up,I want to be a Paleontologist.
Alice, very good. Remember to capitalize names of people and places. You have a couple grammatical errors but nothing that a little practice can’t fix. I rearranged a couple words in your sentence to make it sound and flow better. I hope you live your dream and become a palientologist. Look at the corrections I made and let me know if you have any questions or clarifications.

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