We‘re Raising Children,Not Flowers! 我们是在抚养小孩，不是在养花

Bella

David, my next-door neighbor, has two young kids aged five and seven. One day he was teaching his seven-year-old son Kelly how to push the lawn mower around the yard. As he was teaching him how to turn the mower around at the end of the lawn, his wife, Jan, called to him to ask a question. As David turned to answer the question, Kelly pushed the lawn mower right through the flower bed at the edge of the lawn -- leaving a two-foot wide path leveled to the ground！

   我的邻居大卫，有两个小孩，一个5岁，另一个7岁。一天，大卫正在教他7岁的儿子凯利如何使用割草机割草。当教到怎样在草坪尽头将割草机掉头时，他的妻子简突然喊他，询问一些事情。当大卫转过身回答简的问题时，凯利却把割草机推到了草坪边的花圃上--结果割草机所过之处，花尸遍地，原本美丽的花圃留下了一条2尺宽的小径。

When David turned back around and saw what had happened, he began to lose control. David had put a lot of time and effort into making those flower beds the envy of the neighborhood. As he began to raise his voice to his son， Jan walked quickly over to him, put her hand on his shoulder and said,"David, please remember ... we're raising children, not flowers！"
Jan reminded me how important it is as a parent to remember our priorities. Kids and their self-esteem are more important than any physical object they might break or destroy. The window pane shattered by a baseball, a lamp knocked over by a careless child, or a plate dropped in the kitchen are already broken.The flowers are already dead. We must remember not to add to the destruction by breaking a child's spirit and deadening his sense of liveliness.
    大卫转过身，面对眼前的情景，怒不可遏。要知道，这个花圃花费了大卫多少时间和精力才侍弄成今天这个令邻居们无比羡慕的样子呀！他提高嗓门准备训斥凯利，这时简快步地走到他身边，用手轻轻地拍了拍他的肩膀，说："大卫，别忘了--我们是在养小孩，而不是在养花！"
   简的一番话提醒了我：作为父母我们应该清楚孩子和花究竟孰重孰轻。孩子以及他们的自尊要比被打破或损坏的任何东西都要重要得多啊！那些曾经被孩子们的棒球砸坏的窗户、不小心碰倒的台灯以及在厨房里掉在地上摔碎的碟子都是已经毁坏了的东西。正如花圃里被割掉的花再也不能复原了，我们就不要再去打破一个小孩子稚嫩纯净的心灵，使他们原来充满活力的感觉变得迟钝，乃至麻木。

I was buying a sport coat a few weeks ago and Mark Michaels, the owner of the store, and I were discussing parenting. He told me that while he and his wife and seven-year-old daughter were out for dinner, his daughter knocked over her water glass. After the water was cleaned up without any recriminating remarks from her parents, she looked up and said, " You know, I really want to thank you guys for not being like other parents. Most of my friends' parents would have yelled at them and given them a lecture about paying more attention. Thanks for not doing that！"
  Once, when I was having dinner with some friends, a similar incident happened. Their five-year-old son knocked over a glass of milk at the dinner table. When they immediately started in on him, I intentionally knocked my glass over, too. When I started to explain how I still knock things over even at the age of 48, the boy started to beam and the parents seemingly got the message and backed off. How easy it is to forget that we are all still learning.
    几个星期以前，我去一家服装店买了件运动衣，顺便和店主马克·麦克斯讨论了一些有关为人父母的问题。他跟我说了这样一件事：有一次，他和他的妻子以及他们7岁大的女儿到餐馆里吃晚餐时，他的女儿不小心把水杯打翻了。他和妻子并没有责备女儿，而是把水渍擦得干干净净。女儿抬起头看着他们说："谢谢爸爸妈妈！你们知道，我很多朋友的父母在发生了这样的事时通常都会对孩子大嚷大叫，教训他们要多加小心！而你们却不像他们那样，我真的很感谢你们！"
   有一次，相似的事情在我的身上发生了。那天，我和几位朋友共进晚餐。他们5岁的儿子不小心弄翻了桌子上的牛奶杯。朋友夫妇开始齐声责备起他来。这时，我也故意把我的杯子碰翻了。于是我向朋友夫妇解释：我虽然48岁了，也有打翻东西的时候。朋友夫妇似乎明白了我的意思，不再生气地指责孩子，男孩子也愉快地微笑起来。瞧！我们是多么容易忘记我们仍需要不断学习呀！

I recently heard a story about a famous research scientist who had made several very important medical breakthroughs. He was being interviewed by a newspaper reporter who asked him why he thought he was able to be so much more creative than the average person.
He responded that, in his opinion, it all came from an experience with his mother that occurred when he was about two years old. He had been trying to remove a bottle of milk from the refrigerator when he lost his grip on the slippery bottle and it fell, spilling its contents all over the kitchen floor -- a veritable sea of milk!
　  最近，我听到了一个关于一位著名科学家的故事。这位科学家在医学领域曾有过十分重要的发现和突破。有个报社记者曾经采访过他，问他为什么他会比一般的人更有创造力，究竟是什么妙法使他能够超乎凡人呢？
   他说，在他看来，这一切都应与他两岁时母亲对发生在他身上的事的处理方法有关。有一次，他想自己尝试着从冰箱里拿一瓶牛奶。可是瓶子太滑了，他没有抓住，牛奶瓶子掉在了地上，牛奶溅得满地都是--看上去简直是一片牛奶的海洋。

When his mother came into the kitchen， instead of yelling at him, giving him a lecture or punishing him, she said, " Robert, what a great and wonderful mess you have made! I have rarely seen such a huge puddle of milk. Well, the damage has already been done. Would you like to get down and play in the milk for a few minutes before we clean it up?"
Indeed, he did. After a few minutes, his mother said, " You know, Robert, whenever you make a mess like this, eventually you have to clean it up and restore everything to its proper order. So, how would you like to do that?We could use a sponge, a towel or a mop. Which do you prefer?" He chose the sponge and together they cleaned up the spilled milk.
　
     他的母亲闻声连忙跑到厨房里来，可并没有对他大叫大嚷，也没有狠狠地教训或惩罚他，只是说："哇！罗伯特！你制造的麻烦可真是棒极了！我还从来没有见过这么大的一汪牛奶呢！哎，反正奶瓶已经摔碎了，那么在我们把它打扫干净以前，你想不想在牛奶中玩几分钟呢？"
   听母亲这么一说，他真是高兴极了，立即在牛奶中玩将起来。几分钟后，母亲对他说道："罗伯特，你知道，今后，无论什么时候，当你制造了像今天这样又脏又乱的场面时，你都必须要把它打扫干净，并且要把每件东西按原样放好。那么你打算怎么收拾呢?我们可以用海绵、毛巾或者是拖把来打扫。你想用哪一种呢？"他选择了海绵。很快，他们就一起将那满地的牛奶打扫干净了。

　 His mother then said, " You know, what we have here is a failed experiment in how to effectively carry a big milk bottle with two tiny hands. Let's go out in the back yard and fill the bottle with water and see if you can discover a way to carry it without dropping it." The little boy learned that if he grasped the bottle at the top near the lip with both hands, he could carry it without dropping it. What a wonderful lesson!
This renowned scientist then remarked that it was at that moment that he knew he didn't need to be afraid to make mistakes. Instead, he learned that mistakes were just opportunities for learning something new, which is, after all, what scientific experiments are all about. Even if the experiment " doesn't work," we usually learn something valuable from it.
     然后，他的母亲又对他说："罗伯特，刚才，你所做的用你的两只小手拿起大牛奶瓶子的试验已经失败了。现在我们到后院去，把瓶子装满水，看看你有没有办法把它拿起来，而不让它掉下去。"小罗伯特很快就发现只要用双手抓住瓶子顶部、靠近瓶嘴的地方，瓶子就不会从他的手中滑掉。这堂课真是棒极了！
    然后，这位著名的科学家说："从那时起，我知道我不必再害怕犯任何错误，因为错误往往是学习新知识的良机。科学实验也是这样，即使实验失败了，我们还是可以从中学到很多有价值的东西?";
Wouldn't it be great if all parents would respond the way Robert's mother responded to him?
  One last story that illustrates the application of this attitude in an adult context was told on the radio several years back. A young woman was driving home from work when she snagged her fender on the bumper of another car. She was in tears as she explained that it was a new car, only a few days from the showroom. How was she ever going to explain the damaged car to her husband?
    如果天下所有的父母都能像罗伯特的母亲对待罗伯特那样来教育子女的话，那岂不是太好了吗？
    最后，还有一个几年前曾经在收音机里说过的故事，它对于运用同样的态度处理我们成人之间的关系有着异曲同工之妙。故事说的是：一天，有个年轻的女子，在下班开车回家的路上不小心与另外一辆车发生了碰撞，结果，她的车挡泥板被撞坏了。她泪流满面地说，这是一辆新车，刚刚买回来没几天，回家她该如何向丈夫交代呢？

The driver of the other car was sympathetic, but explained that they must note each other's license numbers and registration numbers. As the young woman reached into a large brown envelope to retrieve the documents, a piece of paper fell out. In a heavy masculine scrawl were these words:" In case of accident ... remember, honey, it's you I love, not the car！"
   Let's remember that our children's spirits are more important than any material things. When we do, self-esteem and love blossom will grow more beautifully than any bed of flowers ever could.
    与之相撞的那辆车的司机满怀同情但表示，他们应该记下彼此的驾驶执照和车牌号码。当这位年轻女子从棕色的大文件袋中取出有关文件时，一张纸条掉了出来。只见上面用男人的笔迹写着："如果发生事故……请记住，亲爱的，我爱的是你，不是车！"
   让我们牢记：孩子的心灵比世上任何物质的东西都要重要！只要我们永远牢记这一点，那么，自尊和爱的花朵就会比花圃中的任何花儿都开得灿烂、美丽！
By Jack Canfield ( Chicken Soup for the Soul)