Lighter Side

The Light Side of Language

The Swiss Guy

English Is A Crazy Language
budangst
lucerno
ojohaven ...

Reasons Why the English Language is Hard to Learn
mistupid

Supplement for Basic English Dictionary : Woman's Dictionary

The English Mother Tongue

From First Cambridge Certificate, Robert Warnke, June 29, 2004

When the English tongue we speak
Why is "break" not rhymed with "weak"?
Won't you tell me why it's true
We say "sew", but also "few"?

And the maker of a verse
Cannot rhyme his "horse" with "worse"?
"Beard" is not the same as "heard".
"Cord" is different from "word".

"Cow" is cow, but "low" is low,
"Shoe" is never rhymed with "foe".
Think of "hose" and "dose" and "lose",
And think of "goose" and yet of "choose",

Think of "comb" and "tomb" and "bomb",
"Doll" and "roll" and "home" and "some".
And since "pay" is rhymed with "say",
Why not "paid" with "said" I pray?

Think of "blood" and "food" and "good";
"Mould" is not pronounced like "could".
Why is it "done", but "gone" and "lone" --
Is there any reason known?

To sum it up, it seems to me
That sound and letters don't agree. 

Just wondering:
   Why isn't 11 pronounced onety one?

Translations This is required reading for those working on translation wordlists and software. It will help keep their work in perspective.
Spanish/ spell check
From wordmagicsoft

"Out of sight, out of mind"

'Invisible, Insane'".

"The spirit is willing but the flesh is weak"

'The Vodka is good but the meat is rotten'.

"The spirit is willing but the flesh is weak"

'The alcohol is arranged but the meat is weak.'

"She sells sea shells on the sea shore" : 'it sells rinds of the sea in the border of the sea'

"It is no use crying over spilt milk" : 'By the use fortune normality the milk which flows out'

"Feeling lonely? Pick up the phone and call someone for a friendly chat" :
'To smell solitairement? Draw aside the telephone and the call somebody for friendly Schwaetzchen'

"Is the glass half full or half empty?" : 'Glass half perfection is half the sky?'

"I'm a big fan of the AltaVista translator"

'I am a great ventilator of the translator of AltaVista.'

Job-hunting?  Watch your spell-checker <g>
	"Singing bonus expected."
	         Do you have a song preference?
	"I look forward to meeting you in the feature."
		Maybe we can conduct the interview during intermission.
	"REASON FOR LEAVING: I felt my company was charging its
                      customers absorbent rates, so I left."
		Sounds like the customers were getting soaked.
	"EXPERIENCE: Worked party-time as an office assistant."
	"DUTIES: Perfumed a variety of tasks."
		Gives new meaning to the sweet smell of success.
	"DUTIES: I verified telephone bills, including long distant ones."
		How far away were they?
	"EDUCATION: Suspected to graduate early next year."
		Please let us know when it's definite.
	"SKILLS SUMMARY: I constantly strive to learn knew things."
		We "new" you could do it.
	"MATERIAL STATUS: Single."
		So you travel light?
	"EXPERIENCE: ABC Tire Company, 1894-2001."
		Now that's loyalty.

These make me almost afraid to continue with the Basic English translation project. 
- - - - -

Regulations printed on a passenger ticket

this is from a New Yorker end-column piece in the 1980s :

explaining the name of the bignosebird website.

English is Tough

by Rick Deines, T-R staff writer

The bandage was wound round the wound.
The farm was used to produce produce.
The dump was so full that it had to refuse refuse.
We must polish the Polish furniture.
He could lead if he could get the lead out.
The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.
Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present.
A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.
When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
I did not object to the object.
The insurance was invalid for the invalid.
There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.
They were too close to the two doors to close them.
The buck does funny things when the does are present.
A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.
To help with the planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow. (Now, if he could teach his sow to sew, that would really be something.)
The wind was too strong to wind down the sail. (If that sail is ruined, the sailor will have o look for a sail sale.)
Upon seeing the tear in the painting I had a tear.
I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.
How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend.
And one more.
Two horns are too many to a unicorn.

The Basic Word, "up".

There is a two-letter word that perhaps has more meanings than any other
two-letter word, and that is "UP."

It's easy to understand UP, meaning toward the sky or at the top of the list,
but when we awaken in the morning, why do we wake UP? At a meeting, why does a
topic come UP? Why do we speak UP and why are the officers UP for election and
why is it UP to the secretary to write UP a report? We call UP ! our friends.
And we use it to brighten UP a room, polish UP! the silver, we warm UP the
leftovers and clean UP the kitchen. We lock UP the house and some guys fix UP
the old car. At other times the little word has real special meaning. People
stir UP trouble, line UP for tickets, work UP an appetite, and think UP
excuses. To be dressed is one thing but to be dressed UP is special.

And this UP is confusing: A drain must be opened UP because it is stopped UP. We
open UP a store in the morning but we close it UP at night.

We seem to be pretty mixed UP about UP! To be knowledgeable about the proper
uses of UP, look the word UP in the dictionary. In a desk-sized dictionary, it
takes UP almost 1/4th of the page and can add UP to about thirty definitions.
If you are UP to it, you might try building UP a list of the many ways UP is
used. It will take UP a lot of your time, but if you don't give UP, you may
wind UP with a hundred or more. When it threatens to rain, we say it is
clouding UP. When the sun comes out we say it is clearing UP.

When it rains, it wets the earth and often messes things UP.

When it doesn't rain for awhile, things dry UP.

One could go on and on, but I'll! wrap it UP, for now my time is UP,
so..........Time to shut UP!
-----

MWorldEnglish

Verhaltensauffälligkeitenuntersuchung
Regelstudienzeitüberschreitungsgebühr
Sozialversicherungsbeiträgetabelle
Terminvereinbarungsschwierigkeiten
Wirtschaftsprüfungsgesellschaften
Altkleiderspendensammelcontainer
Telekommunikationseinrichtungen
Eingewöhnungsschwierigkeiten
Konjunkturausgleichsrücklage
Geldaufbewahrungsbehältnisse
Wirtschaftsstrukturförderung
Umstrukturierungsprogramme
Wettbewerbsbeschränkungen
Unabhängigkeitserklärung
Mindesthaltbarkeitsdatum
Bewusstseinsveränderung
Teilzeitarbeitsstelle

measure of full growth
money for addition to normal study 
table of social insurance given
trouble making agreement on date
accounting firm
box for giving clothing 
e-exchange instruments 
trouble to change 
money kept back
money box
go forward with economic design
new structuring programs 
controls of trade 
statement of self direction  
end date
change in ideas
part-time work-place

Green is Basic English translation of Google translation

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