第二篇:My First Time at Dinosaur Land

炫辰爸爸

完成了外教网课的第一个theme，John老师要求小朋友们写一篇 first time ……的作文。 上上周去了趟长屿洞天，极其迷恋恐龙的骆小当回来念叨了好几次，作文自然也是选择了与恐龙有关的。照例的当口述，当爹记录。只是这次记录的很惨，很多单词不会写啊，速度也跟不上。骆小当唧唧呱呱的一句接一句，不停的听到当爹说慢点慢点。当小妞口头作文完，溜去折纸了，当爹边查有道遍辛苦的码字，半途跑来诉苦：我跟的好辛苦啊，你来跟吧。免谈！俺英语可是全家垫底的。嘿嘿，好好当书童到当当自己会写吧。

My First Time to go to the dinosaur land
by Alice
Today was the first time to go to the dinosaur land. I was delighted.
There were more dinosaurs than I thought in the dinosaur land. T.Rexes，Pteranodons，Triceratopses and Anatosauruses，then I found myself inside the dinosaur world. When I saw the moving T.Rex’s huge body I felt a little scared.
Around the dinosaur world’s dinosaurs had a little trail. On the trail, there was a little cart pushed by a huge fake Triceratops. The Triceratops
didn't move. But when the little cart started moving around the dinosaurs I got a little dizzy.
I had a secret last for ever：when I grown up，I wanted to be a paleontologist.

John老师的点评和修改：

My First Time at Dinosaur Land

by Alice

Today was my first time at Dinosaur Land. I was delighted.

There were more dinosaurs than I thought there would be at Dinosaur Land, such as T.Rexes，Pteranodons，Triceratopses and Anatosaurus. While in Dinosaur World, I saw the T.Rex’s huge body moving that made me a little scared.

Around Dinosaur World, there was a little trail. There was a little cart pushed by a huge fake Triceratops on the trail. The Triceratops didn’t move but when the little cart started moving around the dinosaurs I got a little dizzy.

I have a secret that when I grow up，I want to be a Paleontologist.

Alice, very good. Remember to capitalize names of people and places. You have a couple grammatical errors but nothing that a little practice can’t fix. I rearranged a couple words in your sentence to make it sound and flow better. I hope you live your dream and become a palientologist. Look at the corrections I made and let me know if you have any questions or clarifications.